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Swimming—I hadn’t heard that word for almost two decades. My family members and friends were prohibited from mentioning any water-related activity. It is unbelievable that a girl who lived near the beach wouldn’t allow this. How could this be? Very surprisingly, I was scared of the water. This brings up one unforgettable event.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning, and I woke up early. My cousins and my friends were cheerfully going to the beach together. We brought a lot of toys to play with. Once we arrived, we separated into two groups: One played on the sand, and the other played in the water. My group had a water fight and swam. We had a lot of fun, until suddenly a wave covered us. Everyone hurried to run away. I didn’t run away because I needed to pick up the toys floating in the water. Unfortunately, a second big wave came. I tried to swim, but I couldn’t move. I sank into the water. Although I called for help, no one could hear me. My voice felt stifled, and I drank a lot of salty water. I was losing my mind and felt hopeless.

I blamed myself for not leaving with my friends. Why did I stay to pick up the toys? I learned that safety comes first, for protection. I felt very regretful about what I did, but time is irrevocable, and I could not go back in time to leave with my friends. So I told myself to calm down and relax. Everything was going to be fine. I should focus on maintaining balance. But I wished someone would save me. At last, I managed to keep calm and slowly climbed toward the sand.

This summer beach experience scarred me. This trauma deeply tortured me and was not easy to erase. It interfered with my normal life all the time. After a few decades, my friend invited my family to join her son’s birthday party. She lived in a mansion with a big swimming pool that attracted all the children who wanted to jump in. I screamed at my daughter, “No, No!” My daughter was crying and was very angry. My friend criticized me. She said that what I did was wrong. She told me the news that a kid drowned in a swimming pool because he didn’t have swimming skills. My friend explained to me that the swimming pool was not very deep, so I didn’t have to worry too much. After my friend told me that, I recognized my mistake. I couldn’t stay in the dark; I needed to shake it off. I used positive thinking to convince myself to swim. I told myself that swimming pools have lifeguards who are trained and that I could swim safely. I got the motivation to swim, yet the mental trauma was hard to get over. I needed a plan to overcome my fear.

I took my first swimming lesson and faced a lot of challenges. When I jumped into the swimming pool, my body started to shake, I felt faint, and I immediately had a pale face. I was still very scared. The coach taught me how to breathe in the water and about swimming posture. Even though the coach was patient in guiding me, I still didn’t get the proper swimming posture, so I often sank in the water. I felt discouraged and wanted to quit. However, I told myself, Vicky, you can do it; don’t give up. You are awesome! After that, I persisted in practicing swimming and learned some swimming techniques. I felt at ease, floating on the water surface. I defeated my fear. Now, whenever I get the chance to swim, I am excited to jump into a swimming pool!

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Vicky Qiu arrived in the U.S. from Fuzhou, China, in 2010. She studies English at University Settlement’s Adult Literacy Program, with Jake McGuffin, the head teacher of the evening class. Lucian Leung is the program director, and Jon Eckblad is the assistant director. Vicky Qiu enjoys traveling the world.