My beloved dog, Rex, died a few weeks ago in Jamaica. I go about my daily routine as if nothing happened because I don’t want to deal with the fact that he is gone, and I wasn’t there with him. The memories of us having fun together are unbearable. When I think of Rex for a few seconds, I feel terrible, and tears immediately fill my eyes. Then I push it all away.
Rex’s death opened my eyes to how I’m handling my problems. Is pushing them out of my mind the best way to deal with things I don’t want to deal with? I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I’d get jealous of my little brother whenever our mom spoiled him. Hey, I’ve grown past that. I’ve grown past the way my aunt used to beat us kids and let us beat each other with belts and allow other family members and neighbors to watch and laugh. My mom would allow these beatings to go on. She was not one to beat kids, but she was never one to put a stop to it, either. I’m also past that. It’s a Jamaican cultural thing (and other cultures have something like it): beatings, punishing kids by making us stand in a corner while holding one leg and one ear, and shouting at us. But I’ve grown past all that. I’m strong. I’ve never let the hidden pain define who I am.
But after living here for four years, I’ve been changing. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jamaica with my entire being. Jamaica will always be my home, but I’m not affected any more by the traditions and culture of how we raise our kids. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why I push my pain and problems away every time they appear. As Jamaicans would say, “You never see smoke without fire.”
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Sharnett Reece was born in Jamaica and came to the United States five years ago. Her first language is Patois, and English is her second language. She wants to be a resort manager. She also loves writing and wants to become an author. In LR17, Sharnett Reece published a loving letter to her dog, Rex, praising him and consoling him on their separation when she left Jamaica. She read the essay at the Celebration. She studies with Patricia Lynden at the Wakefield branch of the New York Public Library.